June 3, 2014

Dear Mom, I keep meaning to write about your memorial but there is so much to say and so much of it is painful. The memorial itself was beautiful. I really think you would have liked it. H put together a great slide show for you and the speakers had very loving things to say. So many of your friends showed up. I did not make it through what I wanted to say without breaking down, but I spoke of the great legacy you have left. I am angry with Dad. I cannot help it. He makes me feel like he never loved any of us and just put up with us for you. That hurts on so many levels. And I am angry enough that I am unwilling to spend the energy to reach out to him and discuss it. I am not sure he would be receptive anyway. I fully expect that he will begin to excise himself from our lives. And I think on some level I am okay with that. I refuse to spend time and energy nurturing relationships with people who do not value their relationship with me. I'm sorry, Mom. I know that that is not what you would have wanted. I still miss you everyday. Love you.