Dear Mom,
We are in the midst of planning your memorial. Dad wants us to take a bunch of your stuff while we are down, but it seems like he does not really want us down there. Where you were always asking us to come visit, Dad told us that he could not deal with the three of us being there for five days even though he was working. He limited it to two and a half days and instead of welcoming us and telling us he was looking forward to seeing us and spending time with us, he told us he could "accommodate us" for two nights and that it made sense for us to come a little early before your memorial so that we could go through stuff and then spend a day cooking.
Was Dad always like this and you shielded us from it? Because it stings. It feels like we are putting him out and that he somehow will manage to have us there rather than us being welcome in his home. Having Dad treat us this way makes loosing you even more painful. And it is painful. On so many levels. I wish you were here to teach me how to communicate more effectively with Dad and/or to tell me to cut him some more slack cause although he is already dating again and getting rid of your stuff and the "we" that was your marriage, he is hurt and angry in the wake of your death and his treatment of us is a reflection of that hurt and anger and not a statement of his lack of love for his children. That might make it easier if I heard that from you, because even if rationally I know that to be true, it does not change that it is hurtful and has made your absence even more painful.
Anyway, so far this month has been very painful. What I wouldn't give to cuddle up in your embrace and have you hold me while I sob.
Still missing you. I love you, Mom.
No comments:
Post a Comment